I will start from the worst.
August 2005, I am 27. Rei (my civil wife then) and I were returning from Tokyo to Moscow on a JAL Boeing 747. By the way, the Jumbo is my favorite aircraft, what state-of-the-art engineering!
This was a magnificent air ship, two decks, personal multimedia LCD screens in front of you with front and land view cameras, and everything. I felt its might when that four-engine beast took off from Narita, climbing up in Tokyo skies in minutes.
Fast forward eight hours. Jumbo is making circles because Moscow’s Sheremetyevo airport is too crowded. Later, I understood, that pilots took control instead of the default autopilot. We travelled with a Japanese guy who had a Russian wife; he was a JAL flight engineer off duty. When we met after landing (yes, it did happen), he only said:
Hetta-cyuso!
Meaning, in a soft way, crap. That was his assessment of the JAL pilots’ skills.
The giant Jumbo was jumping up and down at a critically low altitude. I switched the land-view camera only to see how close the surface was. At some point – and that time was, by the way, the peak of my aerophobia — I was 100% sure we were going to crash. The passengers screamed. At some moment, I also made some panicking sounds! However, the Japanese stewardesses, buckled up in front of me, kept repeating that we were doing just fine!
Finally, the MFs in the cockpit managed to land the aircraft safely. Yet, I won’t forget that dreadful flight.
That was my version of the Miami Beach BOAC!
My best:
September 2017. I am 42. I am flying from Seattle to Anchorage, returning to Alaska for the first time since May 2011. I left Moscow for Amsterdam. Then, we made a loooong trans-Atlantic flight from there to Seattle. Now, our Boeing 737 is half-full, meaning lots of empty spaces. The security check at Tacoma International was informal, to say it best, because that was a so-called ‘home flight’, meaning that Alaskans (mostly) were returning home; security guards talked to some of the passengers like old friends because they’d seen each other many times before.
We took off to the blue skies, and made a wonderful journey back to the Last Frontier. I had two empty seats in my row, so I really enjoyed the smoothness of the flight. As I had been to Alaska before, and wanted badly to come back, I felt, in a way, as I was coming home, too…
We landed nicely. I had three months ahead of journalist work, interviews with locals in the outback, travelling by air, land and sea, catching crabs, mushing (lots of it!), drinking local beer, enjoying life. Living a life like an Alaskan.
Coming home. Magic things were happening to me. That was an experience to recall it ever since. And it all started with that flight.
My best and worst flights
As I relish finishing on a positive note, I will start with my worst flight, which paradoxically occurred with my favourite airline.
Mrs B and I were on an overnight Turkish Airlines journey from Istanbul to Johannesburg, on a widebodied, though rather cramped A330, with a 3-4-3 configuration. Despite requesting assistance for my good lady due to her mobility and other issues, which would normally mean she had an aisle seat, we were squeezed into the middle 2 of the 4. Which meant that every twenty minutes, poor Mrs B had to wake the poor chap next to her, in order that she could make her regular trips to the lavatory.
My discomfort was temporarily eased, when I realised that the always-brilliant entertainment console in front of me had a sports channel that was showing that night’s Premier League clash involving my own club Arsenal! That “wow” factor of watching my favourite team playing live at 38,000 feet soon turned into a sporting disaster, as my mighty Gunners were easily thrashed 3-0 in what was their worst performance for many seasons. We arrived at our destination thoroughly disconsolate, but for different reasons.
Many years before that, my BBC colleague John and I were returning from Gibraltar back home to the UK after reporting on the 1995 Island Games for the Channel Islands. We had long since decided that we would miss the closing ceremony, and catch an earlier flight.
Luckily, it seemed that the entire population of the rock were at that closing ceremony, as the airport was pretty much deserted when we arrived. Even better, when we boarded the British Airways flight to London Gatwick, we were the only two passengers on board! Over 100 empty seats on an A320. Four flight attendants dealing with just two us. And those were the days when food and drink was complimentary on BA.
We arrived at Gatwick rather the worse for wear, having been totally spoilt on board throughout the flight. Hic!
My best and worst flights
Gotta be honest, most of my flights have gone well. In general, I think the industry does a decent job of getting people, luggage, and carry-on to the same place at the same time. I can imagine at some huge international airport with hundreds of flights a day, this is no small achievement.
I have only had two experiences of lost luggage, one mine and one a family member. In both cases the bags were delivered the next day. Pro-tip: Don’t pack your tooth brush in your check-in.
So best and worst… I’ll start with best. The people who do this for a living have listed Qatar Airways at the top for this year. I know Emirates often wins. I have to be honest here: I have never flown on those airlines. Maybe I’m a little too price sensitive……
The best I have flown on is Turkish Airlines. The last time I flew with them they were serving Turkish Delight on the taxi-way before we have even left Dulles (Washington). I also must note that the FAA (the US airline authority) actually forbids foreign airlines from operating inside the US. Lucky for some US Airlines, foreigners would totally crush several domestic carriers. Americans pay more and receive crap service.
Overall, I would offer that Ryan Air, a discount European carrier, is the worst. In their defense, they do offer crazy-low ticket prices to several places. But I would rather pay an extra 50 Pounds and arrive happy. You may disagree in the comments below.
I would opine that I have only had two bad experiences. One, of course, a domestic US flight. A large lady of African descent with United was truly ugly to me with no provocation. A harried gate agent at O’Hare on a power trip. I’ll not bore you with details except to say, consider United carefully if flying through Chicago.
The other one is a bit more interesting. Question: you’re the big dawg at Aeroflot, a huge, major airline. Your employees still wear a hammer and sickle on their uniforms. On which route would you want to show off? Where would you put your very best jet? My guess would be Washington to Moscow and I would be very, very wrong. My last flight was on the 777 Pushkin, an aging, broken-down jet that probably had no business in the air at all. (Update – now retired)
Remember back in the day, when in-flight entertainment was these little TV screens hung in the centerline of the aisle? On the Pushkin, not one worked. The seat bottoms were all broken (try that for eight hours) and my fellow passengers spent their time picking their toe nails. At the end of the flight, I was surprised at just how nasty the plane was, rubbish everywhere. Not the first impression I would have thought Aeroflot wanted. Again, I was very, very wrong.